If I Were President! Part 2

(Editor’s note: read part 1 here.)

My next step as President would be to secure our borders. I would institute a gun program called “Slow & Deliberate” whereby I would have Congress allocate to me funds to purchase LEGAL weapons, both automatic and semi-automatic from LEGAL gunshops along our Northern and Southern borders. I would them hire, with affirmative action money, ex-military personnel to take those guns to the Southern border as a priority (and our Canadian-American border just because.) These highly-trained ex-military personnel would train those citizens who are sane, rational patriots to use those weapons against any and all invaders coming into our country illegally. I would also work out a deal with the Mexican government (they still owe us for bailing out their peso years ago) whereby we would lay claymore mines, anti-personnel mines, anti-vehicle mines, and more barbed wire than they have in all of South Korea, to a depth of 2 miles. Guard towers, search lights, and drones would be up the whazoo! Plus, I would station at least two armored and two armored infantry divisions just slightly behind our border, you know, just in case my Attorney General needs to cover something, ughhh…to give our people some coordinated training. For the first few weeks (until the cartel figured out what was going on), our troops and armed citizens would be entertained by the flashes of light in the night signalling the sudden disapperance of millions of dollars of drugs as coyotes try to run the border in pick-up trucks. Darn those mines!

I would make it illegal for ANY taxpayer money to go to ANY political party to pay for ANYTHING. If they want to have a party, those people can pay for it themselves, by golly. No more minority status for anybody. At one time, all of our ancestors were minorities, so why should anybody have special privileges or status over anybody else? All congressmen will herein be paid by the hour, which should cut the payroll cost considerably.

All new Presidents, starting with me, will have to put a security deposit down before they move into the White House to pay for any damage or cleaning that needs to be done after we/they leave. I will introduce legislation that says the President and the first lady must go grocery shopping at least once a month to stay in touch with the people. No more crap food served at state dinners that ordinary Americans can’t pronounce! Anyone NOT pledging their loyalty to this country will not be allowed to serve in my administration, and those already in government who will not pledge will be rooted out!

A judicial review will be conducted by my Department of Justice on rulings by the Supreme Court of the United States and challeged if their foundation is NOT rooted in the Constitution. The Supreme Court is NOT the final word on the law-the Constitution is. I will introduce legislation that will allow insurance companies to do business across state lines to open up more competition to drive down prices. I will also introduce legislation that allows doctors and hospitals to negotiate with patients who have no health insurance (dental, hearing, and vision also). I will encourage charities to help the elderly, disabled, and the helpless with housing and utility bills through incentives paid for with spending cuts. My administration will work towards the effective eradication of waste and fraud in our larger government programs.

It is possible to eliminate a lot of waste and fraud if you really want to. We will offer generous tax incentives for companies to move into areas where miltary bases need to be closed. Defense systems will be looked at, and those that are nothing but money eaters with no good purpose will be eliminated. Systems for all services will be streamlined. Our troops, however, will be given the best training, the best equipment, and the best weapons that this country can afford to give them. National defense is a common sense entity because without it, there is no America.

No more foreign aid to those who hate us. No more billion dollar bribes to people who don’t want to work with us in all of our mutual security interests. No more fighting other people’s war while they sit back and let our blood and treasure pay for their freedom. No more long kid-glove wars. If you want to endanger our country, our people, or our allies, the American response will be short, sharp, and catastrophic. No more nation building. No more spending our blood and treasure while the “victims” make nice with our enemies. No more one-sided trade deals. No more dealing with despots and madmen.

No more confiscating the land that belongs to the states of this great nation, which means it belongs to the people of those states to enjoy. Let the states be responsible for the maintenance of our natural heritage. There will be a thorough review of ALL regulations pertaing to business in this country. We will change the climate in the United States that will invite business to stay here or come here. There will be no penalty for business bringing overseas money back to this country, and the corporate tax rate will be lowered to 15%. We will do what we have to in order to rebuild our manufacturing base.

Lastly, this government will not interfere in the legitimate religious practices in this country. This government will honor all Judeo/Christian holidays. Instructions will be given to all federal courts in America that no lawsuit seeking to infringe upon America’s religious rights will be heard as per the First Amendment. However, if a Federal Court of Appeals is brought into such a case, the losing party will pay all court costs for both parties. The First Amendment as written is the final word.

The Federal budget will be very simple; we will spend no more than we take in except in case of war or an unexpected national emergency. The money spent over and above the budget must be repaid as soon as possible. Now, Golf leagues will be forming on the South lawn, and this Saturday is sign-up day. Bowling leagues will begin just as soon as the new ten lanes are added. Oh yeah, Congress will now have a towel-use fee starting Monday for the gym and the pool. I will be down in the war room playing with my drones. Thank you all! Happy 4th of July. Cake and ice cream is in the Rose Garden.

Photo credit: terrellaftermath