From the desk of The Fearless Golfer
Washington, D. C., U. S. A.
Various Golf Courses
Eyes only Destroy after reading.
My plan is to get re-elected and continue the work that I have started. I am making great inroads in fundamentally changing America! I have given the president (that’s me!) the power to detain any American that I want on suspicion of something. Just imagine what I can accomplish with that power! I also now have the power to limit the speech of Americans. Even the Republicans know how important that is! Even Newt agrees with me! People can no longer say bad things about me on government property. And I will extend that power as soon as I get re-elected.
I showed you how to win an election in 2008. I want you to use the same tactics this time to get me re-elected. Get illegal aliens to register to vote using phony addresses. I have the cooperation of many of the Registrars of Voters, and the plan I gave good old George to get the Secretaries of State to pass laws without the State legislators is working, of course. In Nevada, I can get people registered to vote online! This photo ID stuff has to go. I told everyone it was a bad idea. The Democrats are listening to me, but some of the Republicans are insisting on this foolishness. However, I do have some of them on our side now. All but three voted to limit free speech in my hearing. I have told my Secret Service to enforce that law. I have Newt’s agreement that we should limit free speech.
So far I have just about destroyed the First, Fourth, Sixth and Seventh Amendments to that great impediment to government the Constitution. I have Reid and Pelosi, along with the Brady Bunch and a multitude of the members of Congress working to destroy the Second Amendment. I will have more power and flexibility to join up with Venezuela, Russia, and China to bring about the changes that I promised in 2008.
I don’t have to worry about Romney in the campaign, if he wins. I have instructed the fools on all of the major television networks to keep on ignoring that champion of Liberty and low taxes, Ron Paul, so I don’t think he will be a problem, unless he wins the nomination. If he wins, then I may be in trouble. But then I have the computer programmers working for me, and that Spanish company that will be counting the votes is in my pocket. But still, Paul could be a problem. The internet is being used by his supporters to great success. My followers in Congress just passed CISPA, so I have that going for me, but Paul worries me.
My TSA is keeping the public in a turmoil just because they grope little boys and girls and old women. I told them to leave the Muslims alone.
I have a pedophile as the safe schools czar and a tax cheat as the Treasury Secretary, so I’m okay in those two areas. My military is ready to act even though the Constitution has limited their power to act within the country.
I want you to keep on registering illegal aliens and fighting to prevent the requirement of photo ID’s.
I have Boehner and Lindsay Graham seeking more power, and I will let them think that they have it. I will have Van Jones back after the election. He is a good little order-taker, if I can just get him to shut up once in a while. He always talked too much.
I have the Departments of Education and Transportation following my orders as well. And now that my TSA is being deployed on the highways, bus terminals, and rest areas, travel will become an unpleasant trial. My air will no longer be fouled by emissions from cars.
Soon, Solyndra will rise from the ashes like a Phoenix, not the one in Arizona, and with a billion or so, we will be selling Sunlight to the Americans.
You’re happy to hear from me.
The Fearless Golfer
(Editor’s Note: Now who could he possibly be referring to?)
The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by WesternJournalism.com.