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Dear John,

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Yep, that salutation means exactly what it implies,  John…. We’re through!  Actually, that took place four years ago, if not earlier, when the “Straight-Talk Express” decided to mimic Chris Matthews, and lob only amiable and anemic softballs at your presumed opponent, Barry Soetoro/Obama.  And that’s precisely my point, John.  We, the American People, wanted (and clearly needed and deserved) to know who this Junior Senator from Illinois, the Land – not of Lincoln, but of – Capone really was. Four years later, many still don’t…although it seems that I may have just summed it all up!

So, John, if you’re wondering “if it’s cold in here,” or “if it’s you?”…it’s plainly freezing, and everyone else in the room knows that “it ain’t us”!  Meanwhile, your h-deprived namesake (and AZ Senate colleague, Jon Kyl), along with virtually every other Republican member of the United States Congress, has been AWOL on this matter of critical national security import from the beginning, and you of all people, John, should be acutely aware that that means something entirely different from simply being MIA. The latter can’t always be helped; the former most certainly can!

We’re at war, John, and I would have thought that given your background, you would recognize the fact.  Has the hero of the Hanoi Hilton melted into a “sunshine patriot”?  (That was Thomas Paine who said that, John – in case you’ve forgotten.)

What prompted me to officially inform you of our long-overdue break-up, John, was your most recent communication, to both me and apparently to many others.   Here it is:

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Dear Mr. Ballantyne:

Thank you for contacting me about the citizenship requirements for the office of President of the United States. I appreciate knowing your views on this issue. [Really, John?]

As you may know, Section 1 of Article Two of the United States Constitution sets forth the eligibility requirements for serving as President of the United States: “No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.”

Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this very important matter. Please feel free to contact me on this or any other issue of concern.


John McCain – United States Senator

Really, John?

Once again, John, having very little knowledge of such things, I was surprised to hear that the whole matter of Barry (or Barack’s) identity/citizenship was actually addressed in the Constitution.  Imagine my surprise upon learning that!

So what you, John, and that dusty old document you quoted from are suggesting is, what?  That someone aspiring to the highest office in the Free (or not-so-free) World should be “natural-born”?

It occurs to me that since the FDA had not even remotely crossed the minds of men like Madison, Jay, and Hamilton, this archaic and quaint criterion must be referring to more than his now-highly-revered mother toughing it out in the delivery room – in either Kansas or Kenya…er, that is Honolulu!  (Which hospital was it that was claiming him these days, John?  It’s so hard to keep up with all the changes!)

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