The saga of Sandra Fluke has taken yet another dramatic twist, with Rush Limbaugh apologizing for calling the lady a “slut”.
OK, Rush, manfully done. Sandra Fluke is NOT a slut! She is a liberated, extremely enlightened being of the female persuasion who demands that you and I pay for whatever she chooses to do with HER OWN BODY! Which is only natural and healthy and a mandatory piece of Obamacare. Which you also get to pay for, as part of being an American.
Somebody named Joe Palazzola wrote on the WSJ Law Blog that “Georgetown Law Gets Behind Sandra Fluke.” That’s NOT FUNNY, Joe.
On behalf of all good and decent males in these United States, I just want to say how truly hurt and sorry I am that my favorite talk show host, Rush Limbaugh, used such a hurtful and offensive word to refer to Ms. Fluke.
Please accept my sincere apologies, Women of America.
And yes, I will do the dishes. Coming! Right now.
Actually, Ms. Fluke turns out to be a 31 year old feminist Reproductive Rights activist with a Linkedin page showing a “Law Practice” in the “Los Angeles Area.” I didn’t realize that law school students have law practices, but if she didn’t have one before, she will soon, I guess.
But Ms. Fluke is definitely NOT a SLUT.
Modern English has been around since William Shakespeare, but conservatives can no longer use the language. We can’t say “ladies,” because there are only “women.” We can’t say “girls,” because there are only “pre-adolescents of the female gender.” We can’t say “slut,” because Slut Walks are only for leftists protesting the patriarchal tyranny. We can certainly not use Shakespeare’s own words for sexually enlightened women.
Even Obama seized the moment to call Sandra and apologize to her on behalf of all the good people of America for the unbearable insult she received in defense of women’s rights.
How did he get her phone number so fast, you ask?
You’ve got a dirty mind.
This is a sterling moment in American history. It’s about time Rush and his male chauvinist porkers learned that lesson!
And just to make sure the nation remembers this moment for a long time to come, I propose that we immortalize Sandra Fluke’s heroic stand by adopting the name “fluke” to refer to any and all federally-protected gender-related activities in all liberal categories, including M, F, B, G, L, and T.
This will immensely simplify our language. Instead of “M on M tongue kissing by US Marines in homecoming propaganda photo op” , we can just say “Whoops! 2 Marines just fluked on YouTube!” See how easy this is? Or rather, C, EZ? Imagine how this will make life better for the idealistic children of Occupy Wall Street. Instead of having to use both thumbs to laboriously text Mom “Can’t come home tonight, putting my body on the line against the NYPD pigs and fat-cat capitalists” they can just type.
“Fluking! C Y Mom!”
Mom will figure it out.
She’s heard it before.
The views expressed in this opinion article are solely those of their author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by WesternJournalism.com.