“Lots of people are talking about the ‘war on women’ these days, but what about the war on men?”
“The war on men? This is going to be good.”
“Look, if you ask me, this ‘war on women’ thing is mostly just a difference of opinion. Some people think the government should pass more laws to give women special workplace rights or force faith-based employers to include coverage for contraception and other reproductive matters in their health insurance policies for employees.”
“OK, fair enough.”
“Well, just because other people don’t want the government telling organizations what they must or must not do doesn’t mean they are against women. It means they don’t like the idea of government establishing more laws and mandates to right every wrong, perceived or otherwise.”
“So you’re saying the ‘war on women’ crowd thinks it is being victimized and wants the government to intervene, whereas the ‘leave us alone’ crowd prefers individual freedom and wants the government to butt out. But what does this have to do with the supposed ‘war on women’?”
“Well, if we men adopted a victimization mindset, we could complain about lots of things. Here’s one: During our bad economic spell, many states helped close their budget shortfalls with high taxes on beer! It’s well-known that men consume way more beer than women, so aren’t such taxes sexist?”
“Where is the ACLU when you need it?”
“And did you know Medicare no longer covers Viagra? That’s going to have a terrible impact on my relationship with the wife during my retirement years.”
“How so?”
“If the wife knows I have a stash of those pills, she’ll spend way more time at the mall, ensuring peace and quiet for both of us. But there are plenty of other areas where we men are victims.”
“Go on.”
“Have you noticed that when you’re out at an event, women go to the bathroom together, but men never do? I think it’s because the women’s rooms are bigger and, depending on the joint, have cushy lounge chairs or couches. The government should mandate equal bathroom rights for men.”
“You want the government to do that?”
“Sure. If we men had more space, we’d go to the bathroom together, too. We could talk about things, such as good prostate health, that will improve our well-being and decrease medical costs. The government should like that, now that it’s running our health care.”
“As odd as it sounds, you make some sense.”
“But the biggest area where men are being targeted is by female state legislators. You wouldn’t believe some of the anti-male laws they’re trying to pass.”
“You are right about that. Angered by some state laws that require women to get various tests before they make reproductive decisions, such as abortion, some female politicians have been striking back. I read about it on BuzzFeed.com.”
“That’s right. One Virginia state senator tried to pass an amendment to a bill that ‘would require men to undergo a rectal exam and cardiac stress test before being treated for erectile dysfunction.’”
“That doesn’t sound very pleasant.”
“Look, my point isn’t that complicated. Just because people want the government to butt out of their personal lives, it doesn’t mean they’re against women.”
“Sounds reasonable to me.”
“Besides, isn’t it a little contradictory to demand that the government stay out of your private matters while also demanding that it make religious organizations pay for your contraception? Shouldn’t people and religious organizations in America have the freedom to follow their own beliefs?”
“And the beer tax?”
“That’s an egregious example of the never-ending war on men!”
Photo credit: Travelin’ Librarian (Creative Commons)
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Biden Confesses Ignorance
Vice President Joe Biden stepped into a confessional and knelt.
“Hey, Father, how you doing?” he said to the priest.
“Well, Joseph, not so well of late. There is great concern among the religious community about actions the Obama administration has taken as part of ObamaCare.”
“What are you talking about, Father?”
“Joseph, earlier this year, the Department of Health and Human Services issued a regulation, directed by ObamaCare, that requires all non-church religious institutions, such as hospitals and schools, to provide employee health insurance that includes contraception, sterilization, and abortifacients.”
“But we fixed that one, Father. Rather than make religious employers pay for these things directly, we told the insurance companies they had to provide these things free!”
“And you really think insurers are able to provide these things free, Joseph? They will not. The costs of contraception, sterilization, and abortifacients will ultimately be rolled into the insurance premiums that religious organizations will pay — which is tantamount to providing financial support for things such as abortion — and religious institutions cannot morally accept your ‘fix.’”
“Ah, c’mon, Father. You act like there is an assault on the Catholic church. I made it absolutely clear during my debate when I said that ‘no religious institution — Catholic or otherwise, including Catholic social services, Georgetown Hospital, Mercy Hospital, any hospital — has to either refer contraception, none has to pay for contraception, none has to be a vehicle to get contraception in any insurance policy they provide. That is a fact. That is a fact.’”
“But you have your ‘facts’ wrong, Joseph. The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops issued a letter that rebukes your statements completely. The letter says: ‘The HHS mandate contains a narrow, four-part exemption for certain “religious employers.” That exemption was made final in February and does not extend to ‘Catholic social services, Georgetown hospital, Mercy hospital or any hospital,’ or any other religious charity that offers its services to all, regardless of the faith of those served.”
“That’s a bunch of malarkey, Father. The bishops have no problem with us!”
“You aren’t paying attention, Joseph, so let me be clear: The Catholic church cannot and will not pay for a government-mandated insurance policy that funds and enables actions that violate our religious beliefs — yet that is exactly what the government is now forcing us to do. And that is why there are more than 40 lawsuits, brought on behalf of Catholic bishops and other religious organizations, to stop you.”
“Lawsuits, Father? Well, that’s news to me.”
“Perhaps this is also news to you, Joseph: This matter is about much more than the right of a female student at a Catholic university to have contraception covered by her university-provided health insurance policy. It is about simple freedom, Joseph.”
“I’m not following, Father.”
“This country was founded on the concept of freedom, including religious freedom. Religious freedom was the reason the Pilgrims came to America from England. The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantees such freedom: ‘Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.’”
“So what is your point, Father?”
“Joseph, by using the might of the federal government to tell religious organizations what insurance products they must purchase for their employees, hasn’t the government created a law that is prohibiting their free exercise of religion?”
“Ah, heck, father, all we’re trying to do is make insurers cover the cost of birth control.”
“It is a winning position for a politician to take, Joseph, but surely you understand that this issue as not as simple as you make it out to be. The truth of the matter is that you either misspoke or deliberately misled people during your debate. I assume you entered this confessional to confess?”
“Not at all, Father. I had to go to the bathroom and thought this was the john.”
Photo Credit: Floyd Brown (Creative Commons)