A Desperate Call From Gibby


It’s been a tough year for the self-unemployed. I am one of them — one of the millions of free-lance writers and artists. A few days ago, I had a brainstorm: I would give the gift of gab to corporate executives who are worried about their year-end performance reviews. Most salary-men (and women) hate the task of having to evaluate their own performance. Aren’t we all taught as children not to go around telling everybody how great we think we are?

So I placed an ad in the New York Times which said:

“Are you trying to climb the corporate ladder? Don’t make the same mistake that most of your colleagues do in writing their own performance assessments without professional help. With my help you will have a self-appraisal that shines like a mackerel in the moonlight. But it won’t stink. I write for leading magazines and newspapers, and I have done time in a corporate lockup that is just like the one that you inhabit. Trust me. I can help you on your most important writing assignment of the year.”

By the end of the week, I had no fewer than eight calls from needy and nervous corporate executives.

I could see my little investment was going to pay off handsomely. Then things got really interesting. I got a call from the White House.

“This is Trevor Goodchild from the White House Office of Communications,” a voice said. “Is this the Andrew Wilson who placed the ad in the New York Times offering help on self-appraisals?”

“That’s me.”

“Please hold for Mr. Robert Gibbs, the press secretary. You will be his next call. He will be with you in two or three minutes.”

Read More: By Andrew B. Wilson, American Spectator


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